Randy Pausch - Points on How to Improve your Life

This is amazing, he died of pancreatic cancer in 2008, but wrote a book ‘The last lecture” before then, one of the bestsellers in 2007. What a legacy to leave behind… 

In a letter to his wife Jai and his children, Dylan, Logan, and Chloe, he wrote this beautiful "guide to a better life" for his wife and children to follow. May you be blessed by his insight.

POINTS ON HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE

Personality:
1. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
2. Don't have negative thoughts of things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment
3. Don't over do; keep your limits
4. Don't take yourself so seriously; no one else does
5. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip
6. Dream more while you are awake
7. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
8. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner of his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
9. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
10. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present
11. No one is in charge of your happiness except you
12. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.
Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
13. Smile and laugh more
14. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Community:
15. Call your family often
16. Each day give something good to others
17. Forgive everyone for everything
18. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6
19. Try to make at least three people smile each day
20. What other people think of you is none of your business
21. Your job will not take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
22. Put GOD first in anything and everything that you think, say and do.
23. GOD heals everything
24. Do the right things
25. However good or bad a situation is, it will change
26. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up
27. The best is yet to come
28. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful
29. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it
30. If you know GOD you will always be happy. So, be happy.

While you practice all of the above, share this knowledge with the people you love, people you school with, people you play with, people you work with and people you live with. Not only will it enrich YOUR life, but also that of those around you.

Model you can use

7s Model was developed in the 1980s and is still valuable as a management model today.

It can be used in situations where you are trying to align various aspects of your business,especially where you are going through rapid and uncertain change.

Developed by the McKinsey Group, the 7S model involves seven factors which can be categorized as either “hard” or“soft” elements:

Hard Elements would include your strategy for change, the structure of the organization and the systems you use. 

Soft elements would be the shared values that you and your team employ, the skill-sets that you need, the style you adopt and the knowledge and abilities of your staff

“Hard” elements can be identified and influenced more easily:
They would be driven by the organization charts and reporting lines within the business and they may include the systems you use to get work done.

“Soft” elements are, by their very nature, more difficult to manage and may be affected by the culture of the organization.
But you have to apply yourself to these as much as the hard elements, as they provide the support structure for the successful implementation of any change, and they are all interdependent on each other.

You need to ask yourself where you are now and where you want to be in the future. The model will help you assess these elements with these searching questions:

Strategy:

* What is our strategy, in real terms?
* What are our strategic objectives?
* What will we do about the competition?
* What will our customers demand from us in the future?

Structure:

* How is the company set up?
* What is the organizational structure?
* How do the teams work together to achieve goals?
* How do the team members work together?
* What is the quality of communication?

Systems:

* What are the main systems we use in the company?
* How do we monitor and measure the systems?
* What processes do we currently use?

Shared Values:

* What are the values we keep to within the business?
* What is the corporate culture?
* What is the strength of these values?
* How are we communicating those values?

Style:

* What style does the management team adopt?
* How effective is it?
* How would we rate the teamwork among our staff?

Staff:

* How do our teams specialize in their roles or are they more general in their responsibilities?
* Have we the right people in the right places?
* What development do they need?

Skills:

* What are the strongest skills we have in the company?
* What skill gaps are there?
* Do we have staff who can do the job competently?
* How do we measure and reward success?

The McKinsey 7Ss model can be applied to almost any issue at work. If there are any inconsistencies in some of the above elements, maybe your team or company isn’t working effectively enough. The model can help reveal these inconsistencies, and you can work to ensure these elements are matched up to help you share values and objectives with your teams that are responsible for making it happen.

Height of Miscommunication....

This is a short story written by Dr Kishore Shah....he is a gynaecologist in Pune and a very gifted writer....enjoy this extremely funny story. Here it goes

My wife is an ENT Surgeon while I am a Gynaecologist. This can lead to some complications, as I recently learned to my anguish. 

A General Practitioner called me up and told me that she is sending a patient of hers for an abortion. Unknown to me, she had also referred a female with earwax for removal of the wax to my wife.

I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient right in as she was expected (and expecting!) As Murphy lays down the laws of our hospital, it was but natural that the patient who wanted the wax removed from her ear, landed up with me. This is the conversation that I had with the patient.

"Please come in. Be seated." I said with a big smile. I always have a big smile, when I am going to earn some money. The patient gave a feeble smile and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. "Relax."

"Doctor, will this hurt a lot?"

"Not at all."

The patient relaxed visibly. "You know something, Doctor, we tried removing it at home, but failed."

I was shocked. "Thank God. Trying this at home can cause serious complications."

"I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, but it just wouldn't budge."

I smiled and said, "If it were that easy, who would need doctors?"

She gave a cute smile and said, "Yeah! My neighbour tried to remove it with his finger, but the hole is so small that he used a hair pin."

"Oh my God!"

"Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick."

My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just sputtered without uttering a word.

"Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt inside me?"

I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too much. I replied a bit angrily, "There are tablets which can prevent this happening. Or you could use protection at night."

Now it was the patient's turn to be confused, "You mean to say that it happens only at night?"

I saw her point. "No! No! I meant anytime of the day, whenever you are in the mood, you should use protection."

She was even more confused, "It depends on my moods?" 

Again I saw her point. "My mistake. You need not be in any sort of mood. It just happens."

"My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps who sit by the roadside."

"You mean that pin man?"

"Yeah!"

This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous man. Besides using pins, he was sending her to such quacks. The only safety he knew was

among the pins. "You were wise not to heed his advice."

"But I tried his other advice. He told me to put warm oil inside and wait. However, that also did not work."

This was getting more and more bizarre. Her neighbour deserved to be locked up either in a padded cell or a barred one. "But have you taken your husband's permission?"

Now the patient looked confused. "Do I have to take my husband's permission? Because if you need his sign, he is working in Dubai. We were not able to meet for the last one year."

It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It was one of 'those' cases. The pin-wielding neighbour seemed to me the usual suspect. I reassured her. "No! No! The husband's sign is not at all needed."

"However, I did inform him on phone."

Her husband seemed to me a very broad-minded fellow. I didn't know whether to congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I hastily turned to other aspects. "Its good that you came a bit early."

"Actually I wanted to come early in the morning, but I had some other work."

"Oh! I did not mean early today. I meant that if you had delayed this removal, it would have started moving. Then it would have developed a heartbeat."

The patient was staring at me wide eyed as if watching a horror movie. Looking at her face, I decided that she was not fit to listen to the grotesque details. I decided to relieve her a bit. I said, "You will bleed a bit, but only for a few days."

By now, the poor patient was trembling, "how-H-How much bleeding?"

"Oh, only slightly more than your menstrual period, and it will continue only for a week or so."

By now the patient was clutching her hair in her fingers and staring at me wide-eyed. I asked her soothingly, "Why don't you lie down on the

examination table? Remove your clothes and relax."

This was the final straw. She didn't even wish me goodbye. I saw just a blur of motion leaving my consulting room at top speed.

Technique for Listening

I have conducted few seminars on communication skills. I often share my email id for after thoughts, comments etc.

I got a mail from one of the participant which went some thing like this

"Hi Nilesh,

Thanks for a wonderful course. I never knew that learning could be such fun and your enthusiasm and energy has really left an impression on the group.

I really enjoyed those active listening exercises that we completed on the course as this is an area I feel really difficult to master. I know it's only been few days since the course but I feel I am getting better at it as I am implementing the technique that you covered.

Have you got a short, sharp model that I can easily remember that I can take into EVERY situation when I need to actively listen?

Thanks again Nilesh

What you do is just great

Manjeet"

My response was something like this

"Hi Manjeet,

Thanks for kind comments!

You did a great job on the second exercise when you went into it with the mindset of "Active" listening rather then "Passive" listening.

Ok, let me give you a simple technique that you can use to become a better listener. It's called  R.A.S.E

R = Respond to the content

A = Acknowledge the feelings of what is being said

S = Show your understanding

E = Encourage further information

Let me give you an example:

RESPOND TO THE CONTENT

This is another term for reflecting back what they have said in your own terms. By doing this it demonstrates your own understanding and if you know you have to do this it really makes you listen believe me!

This is also called "paraphrasing". There is a section on there in your workbook. So, if the person says:

"You can really see the bad atmosphere within that group"

You could reply with:

"So, there are some serious going's on then with people"

This response shows the speaker that you have understood what they have said.

Then.....

ACKNOWLEDGE THE FEELINGS

So you change your focus to acknowledge what the person must be feeling:

"It sounds as though you are feeling uncomfortable about what is currently going on within your group"

Then...

SHOW THAT YOU UNDERSTAND

Make your understanding real and legitimate even if you do not agree with them yourself. Remember, you are taking the speakers point of view into account and appreciate that.

"If I was in your situation I would feel uncomfortable too. I can see that you do not like this type of atmosphere in the air at work"

Then...

ENCOURAGE FURTHER INFORMATION

The final step in RASE is to encourage further discussion by asking an open ended question.

"So, tell me - what exactly is going on there?"

In Summary:

I hope that you find that model useful.

That does not mean that you use it every time as people will tend to see straight through it if you do.

Add it to your toolbox of skills and use it whenever you need it.

Thanks again and please do take advantage of our post-course email support system, it is there to help you.

- Nilesh"

Hope you find this useful. If you have any useful techniques please share.

Skills That You Need to Succeed

Recently I participated in a discussion about what are the key skills employers look for in entry-level workers. Here is a summary of points that came out. 

Entry level workers in a variety of professions were lacking in several areas, including problem solving, conflict resolution, and critical observation.

Every field would of-course requires technical skills. But apart from that you will also notice "soft skills" in job descriptions, next to demands for technical qualifications. Employment experts agree that tech skills may get you an interview, but these soft skills will get you the job--and help you keep it:

1. Communication skills

Good communication skills means your ability to express yourself well both verbally and in written communication. You need to do well in this area, whether it's writing a coherent memo, persuading others with a presentation, or just being able to calmly explain to a team member what you need.

2. Teamwork and collaboration

Most of the time working in team is a necessity. Employees are expected to work with others to ensure work is done effectively. This means one has to learn about team dynamics and how teams functions. It means able to monitor progress, meeting deadlines and working with others across teams to achieve a common set of objectives.

3. Adaptability

Changes take place all the time. One has to learn to deal with change. This involves learning new things, trying different approaches, and one has to first understand how change happens and how to cope with it.

On your resume, on your cover letter, and in your interview, explain the ways you've continued to learn and grow throughout your career.

4. Problem solving

Problem solving is very important skill. First you must be able to identify what the exact problem is. There is a very good book available on this. You will be asked 

 "How did you solve a problem?" interview question with several examples. Think of specific examples where you solved a tough business problem or participated in the solution. Be able to explain what you did, how you approached the problem, how you involved others, and what the outcome was--in real, measurable results.

5. Critical observation

It's not enough to be able to collect data and manipulate it. You must also be able to analyze and interpret it. What story does the data tell? What questions are raised? Are there different ways to interpret the data? Always provide a business summary and highlight the key areas for attention, and suggest possible next steps.

6. Conflict resolution

The ability to persuade, negotiate, and resolve conflicts is crucial if you plan to move up. You need to have the skill to develop mutually beneficial relationships in the organization so you can influence and persuade people. You need to be able to negotiate win-win solutions to serve the best interests of the company and the individuals involved.

To demonstrate communication skills, for example, start with the obvious. Make sure there are no typos in your resume or cover letter. Beyond that, enhance your communication credibility by writing an accomplishment statement on your resume or cover letter. Instead of stating, 'great oral and written communication skills,' say, 'conducted presentation for C-level executives that persuaded them to open a new line of business that became profitable within eight months.'"

The good news is that, like any skill, soft skills can be learned. 

The better news? Boosting your soft skills can not only give you a edge on a new job or a promotion--these skills have obvious applications in all areas of a person's life, both professional and personal. So make sure that you work on these skills and succeed.

Types of Bosses and How to Handle Them

Along with paychecks, deadlines, and overtime, bosses are one of the things you just can’t avoid in the workplace. But how to identify these strange characters and deal with them?

In my career of 22 years I have come across many different types of bosses. I would like to share some insight on this topic. I will cover six types here and in the next blog entry the remaining. So here it goes.

The Robot

Distinguishing characteristics: An empty desk, no family pictures.

What they do: All business, all the time: That’s The Robot. We’re not saying he/she’s not human, but we’ve definitely got our doubts on the matter sometimes. The sworn enemy of fun, levity, and emotion, The Robot would rather you just get to work. At all times. While it can be nice to have someone driving you to do your best, it would be nice to feel a little bit of emotional connection from time to time, right?

How to Handle: It may not sound like a lot of fun, but you’ll probably have to conceal your own feelings and buckle down to The Robot’s schedule. On the up side, she can teach you discipline and efficiency. Try making allies of your coworkers. They’re probably as frustrated as you are! Inside jokes and friendly chitchat can make the day seem brighter.

The Softy

Distinguishing characteristics: Second chances.

They think they’re making things easier on their employees, but in the long run The Softy’s kid-glove approach to management just makes it harder for great workers to succeed and easier for slackers to stick around. Being a boss involves making difficult decisions sometimes, especially when it comes to employees, but The Softy doesn’t seem to realize this.

What they do: They think they’re making things easier on their employees, but in the long run The Softy’s kid-glove approach to management just makes it harder for great workers to succeed and easier for slackers to stick around. Being a boss involves making difficult decisions sometimes, especially when it comes to employees, but The Softy doesn’t seem to realize this.

How to Handle: The worst thing to do is hurt The Softy’s feelings, so try changing things up by commending them on his toughest calls, however rare. A little positive reinforcement can go a long way when The Softy learns that being the bad cop doesn’t have to be the worst job in the world. 

The Weasel

Distinguishing characteristics: Empty promises

What they do: Promising one thing but delivering another, The Weasel will say anything — and we do mean anything — to get what she wants out of you. A raise? A promotion? Some time off? Sure, you’ll get what you’ve been dreaming about eventually if you take on extra work or a hellish new project. Or so she says, but we wouldn’t recommend holding your breath for The Weasel to actually deliver. Why should she? You’re already doing the extra work for free.

How to Handle: Completing all the grunt work will get you great distances with The Weasel, but just remember to trust nothing The Weasel says, ever. Or, at very least, get it in writing and double-check with whomever The Weasel answers to in upper management. 

A paper trail will be your best defense against lies and false promises. Maybe you’ll actually get that promotion!

The Mystery

Distinguishing characteristics: Closed doors, Out Of Office messages.

What they do: Who knows? The Mystery is an expert at the arts of subterfuge, denial, and … whatever it is he does. Either he’s on a business trip or in a locked-door meeting or plotting world domination all day or … something. 

Whatever it is, you’re left to your own devices to figure things out, minus any guidance at all. Too bad you’ll still be on the hook if things go wrong. The Mystery will be gone when it comes down to it.          

How to Handle: Wait it out and give him space. If you stay patient (and we mean really patient) you may be able, like a persevering biologist in the jungle observing shy animals, to learn a little bit more about The Mystery’s habits

The Viper

Distinguishing characteristics: Backhanded compliments, fake smiles.

What they do: Does The Viper wake up on the wrong side of the bed every single morning? It sure seems like it. From snippy comments about personal matters (“Are you awake? Oh, it just seemed like you were gaining weight.”) to undermining your efforts at work (“So you’re just learning Excel, right?”), The Viper has a real talent for making you feel bad about yourself. No matter how thick your skin is, it’s hard not to let her get to you.

How to Handle: We’re not actually certain that the Viper is capable of loving an employee, so it’s probably best to just stay a good distance away from her. Keep feelings to yourself, and share as little information 

In the next blog entry I will be covering more types. So stay tuned and keep visiting this blog. Until then enjoy.

Effective Listening

Since most of what you are required to learn in school is going to be communicated to by a teacher or professor it is imperative that you learn to list. And don’t make the mistake of thinking that hearing and listening are the same thing – they are very different. When you listen to what someone saying you are not only hearing what they are saying you are also processing what they are saying. Here are few things you can do to be active listener.

Give Attention to Meaning

Pay attention not only to the words being spoken by your teacher but to the thoughts and messages they convey. Identify the main idea, concept or subject being addressed and the relating issues. Listen for explanations, descriptions and clarifications. Again, don't just hear the words. Listen to the meanings being communicated.

Use effective note taking style

Poor listeners try writedown everything, believing a detailed outline and effective notes are the same thing. They get frustrated when they cannot see the meaning behind what they are writing down or they go to review their notes and don't understand the concepts that were taught in class. Effective listeners adjust their note-taking to the lecture style. They listen to whats important, they try to understand concepts and they take notes that clarify, organize and reiterated important details of the lecture.

Make sure you are concentrating 

Poor listeners frequently are poor concentrators. Effective listening requires that you concentrate and pay attention. Remove all thoughts of home, friends, fun and ancillary activities from you head while the teacher is speaking. Learning to focus and concentrate will help you become an effective listeners and much more effective student.

Be Ready for the class

It is difficult to listen and mentally process what you're hearing when you come to your class unprepared. If your teacher gives you a reading assignment or homework designed to prepare you to understand a topic its important that you are familiar with the topic before it is discussed in class. Being ready to listen means being prepared for each class ahead of time.

Focus on whats important

Poor listerners focus on fact. They may retain a few of those facts, but the information is usually garbled. Effective listerners focus on main ideas, fundamental concepts and vital issues.

Choose to be interested

One of the most tell tale signs of a poor listeners is that they just can't find what the teacher is talking about to be interesting. As a consquence they don't listen with real intent and often miss important topics and details being addressed. Good listeners are able to decide to be interested in the subject matter being addressed by the teacher. As a result they listen more intently and effectively.

Feedback

Giving feedback is one of the key activity that manager has to carry out.
It is not easy to give feedback specifically we Indians need to learn about giving feedback. Culturally we tend to avoid giving feedback.

Next time when you have to give feedback I suggest that you use the incident, impact and expected behavior method.

I would illustrate with some examples

Example 1

Incident 
When you don't turn up for the meeting on time then...

Impact
It really upsets my entire schedule...

Expected behavior
Going forward can we agree that we start the meeting on time?

Example 2

Incident 
When you don't look at me while I am discussing something then...

Impact
It makes me think that you are not present in the conversation and you are not listening...

Expected behavior
Can we agree that you will look at me and pay attention when I am talking to you...

Example 3

Incident
When you interrupt someone during the meeting when he has not finished...

Impact
Often people feel that you are not valuing his contribution...

Expected behavior
Going forward could you please let anyone finish without interrupting any one ?
 

These are just some of the situations to illustrate the idea. 

Can you see how you can use this in your situations?

Setting Objectives

At the time of setting objectives, we are always told that the objectives must be set. They must be what we call  SMART.

SMART means

• Specific
• Measurable
• Achievable
• Realistic
• Timebound

For quite some time now I have set objectives and SMART objectives. But recently realized that each SMART objective must also specify 

1. What the person must do, 
2. The place where the action is carried out and all the logistics required 
3. The deadlines, the speed, the accuracy, the 'correctness' of the action

Unless these three things are mentioned, the objective remains difficult to rate against. Also with these things outlined the ambiguity reduces considerably. This also helps a objective evaluation against the objective. If we start following this it would reduce the pain points of measuring performance against each objective.

Moaning.....

We all like to do what I call moan and bitch about many things like organization we are working in, about the boss, about team members. It has become a common past time.

Whether is a good old moan about your boss, your pay,why "he" gets paid more than you or the hours you are

working sometimes we can just get caught up in it  whether we usually do it or not.

But I firmly believe that the leadership style has a huge impact on whether you create a team of moaners or a team of proactive doers.

Think about what you can do to reduce the level of moaning in your office and demonstrate the

leadership behaviours that will help rather than hinder team and company performance.

Having worked with many people around the world I tend to find that the attitude and outlook of the leader normally rubs off on the team and if the leader tends to moan themselves then so does the team.

Where Did My Day Went Today?

Sometimes it so happens that you have list of things to get accomplished. You start of your day with vitality and vigor. You are all charged up to complete the tasks. But end of the day you realize that much of the work did not get accomplished. So here is a question that  is very helpful. The question is What is it that you want to get done today?

Each morning ask yourself this question. This simple question can help you to focus your energy on something important. At times the answer could be something like “nothing.”  If so, at least it’s a conscious choice.   It’s a simple enough question, but there’s more to it.

The real question is, “What do you want to Get Done Today? … given your available time, your available energy, your MUSTs/needs and/or wants?”

It forces you to think about available time that you have and number of things that are waiting to be completed.  You can only throw those hours at so many things. 

It also helps you to think about the energy that you would spend to complete it.

It pushes you to consider your MUSTs and needs and wants for the day.  What are the things you MUST or need to get done today, if anything?   Using MUST can help you quickly identify the critical from the non critical.  

If you’re in the habit of  pushing yourself too far, or wondering where your day went, this simple question, along with elaboration, can get you back on track.  

I routinely use this question to decide priorities. Also use this to do a mid day check if I am really on track. It helps me to focus my energy and get things done.

Listening Skills

Have you ever had a experience that person you are talking to is not listening? I many times observe that people are in hurry and they don't pay attention to what is being said.  Other day I was talking to someone and he was not listening at all. I asked the person if it is right time to talk. He responded positively and then continued his earlier ways of not listening. I felt frustrated as I felt the person was miles away from conversation. 

Do you suppose other people have ever had that reaction when speaking to you?

For some reason, most of us are good at hearing, but really listening — that’s another thing altogether. Yet in working in software field, with customers  listening, not just going through the motions, is critical to success. 

Listening and hearing are not the same.  Hearing is the first stage of listening.  Hearing occurs when your ears pick up sound waves which are then transported to your brain.  This stage is your sense of hearing.

Listening is a communication process and, to be successful, is an active process.  In other words, you must be an active participant in this communication process.  In active listening, meaning and evaluation of a message must take place before a listener can respond to a speaker.   Therefore, the listener is actively working while the speaker is talking.

How can this happen? It is simple.   Our thought speed is much faster than our speech speed.  But be careful!   Don't allow the thought speed to race into daydreaming.  This habit will defeat your attempt to become an active listener.

Barriers to Listening

Listening takes time or, more accurately, you have to take time to listen. A life programmed with back-to-back commitments offers little leeway for listening. Similarly, a mind constantly buzzing with plans, dreams, schemes and anxieties is difficult to clear. Good listening requires the temporary suspension of all unrelated thoughts -- a blank canvas. In order to become an effective listener, you have to learn to manage what goes on in your own brain. Technology, for all its glorious gifts, has erected new barriers to listening. Face-to-face meetings and telephone conversations (priceless listening opportunities) are being replaced by email and the sterile anonymity of electronic meeting rooms. Meanwhile television continues to capture countless hours that might otherwise be available for conversation, dialogue, and listening.

Ten Steps to Effective Listening

1. Face the speaker and maintain eye contact.
2. Be attentive yet relaxed.
3. Keep an open mind.
4. Listen to the words and try to picture what the speaker is saying.
5. Don't interrupt and don't impose your "solutions."
6. Wait for the speaker to pause to ask clarifying questions.
7. Ask questions only to ensure understanding of something that has been said (avoiding questions that disrupt the speaker's train of thought).
8. Try to feel what the speaker is feeling.
9. Give the speaker regular feedback, e.g., summarize, reflect feelings.
10. Pay attention to what isn't said -- to feelings, facial expressions, gestures, posture, and other nonverbal cues.

Listening is a precious gift -- the gift of time. It helps build relationships, solve problems, ensure understanding, resolve conflicts, and improve accuracy. At work, effective listening means fewer errors and less wasted time. At home, it helps develop resourceful, self-reliant kids who can solve their own problems. Listening builds friendships and careers. 

So let us all work towards being better listeners. As it is said  "We were given two ears but only one mouth. This is because God knew that listening was twice as hard as talking".