Listening Skills

Have you ever had a experience that person you are talking to is not listening? I many times observe that people are in hurry and they don't pay attention to what is being said.  Other day I was talking to someone and he was not listening at all. I asked the person if it is right time to talk. He responded positively and then continued his earlier ways of not listening. I felt frustrated as I felt the person was miles away from conversation. 

Do you suppose other people have ever had that reaction when speaking to you?

For some reason, most of us are good at hearing, but really listening — that’s another thing altogether. Yet in working in software field, with customers  listening, not just going through the motions, is critical to success. 

Listening and hearing are not the same.  Hearing is the first stage of listening.  Hearing occurs when your ears pick up sound waves which are then transported to your brain.  This stage is your sense of hearing.

Listening is a communication process and, to be successful, is an active process.  In other words, you must be an active participant in this communication process.  In active listening, meaning and evaluation of a message must take place before a listener can respond to a speaker.   Therefore, the listener is actively working while the speaker is talking.

How can this happen? It is simple.   Our thought speed is much faster than our speech speed.  But be careful!   Don't allow the thought speed to race into daydreaming.  This habit will defeat your attempt to become an active listener.

Barriers to Listening

Listening takes time or, more accurately, you have to take time to listen. A life programmed with back-to-back commitments offers little leeway for listening. Similarly, a mind constantly buzzing with plans, dreams, schemes and anxieties is difficult to clear. Good listening requires the temporary suspension of all unrelated thoughts -- a blank canvas. In order to become an effective listener, you have to learn to manage what goes on in your own brain. Technology, for all its glorious gifts, has erected new barriers to listening. Face-to-face meetings and telephone conversations (priceless listening opportunities) are being replaced by email and the sterile anonymity of electronic meeting rooms. Meanwhile television continues to capture countless hours that might otherwise be available for conversation, dialogue, and listening.

Ten Steps to Effective Listening

1. Face the speaker and maintain eye contact.
2. Be attentive yet relaxed.
3. Keep an open mind.
4. Listen to the words and try to picture what the speaker is saying.
5. Don't interrupt and don't impose your "solutions."
6. Wait for the speaker to pause to ask clarifying questions.
7. Ask questions only to ensure understanding of something that has been said (avoiding questions that disrupt the speaker's train of thought).
8. Try to feel what the speaker is feeling.
9. Give the speaker regular feedback, e.g., summarize, reflect feelings.
10. Pay attention to what isn't said -- to feelings, facial expressions, gestures, posture, and other nonverbal cues.

Listening is a precious gift -- the gift of time. It helps build relationships, solve problems, ensure understanding, resolve conflicts, and improve accuracy. At work, effective listening means fewer errors and less wasted time. At home, it helps develop resourceful, self-reliant kids who can solve their own problems. Listening builds friendships and careers. 

So let us all work towards being better listeners. As it is said  "We were given two ears but only one mouth. This is because God knew that listening was twice as hard as talking".